Conjectural
by Appaku
Summary: COMPLETE: Nuriko thinks he knows himself and his feelings for Hotohori well, but waiting for Miaka to return to Konan gives him a chance to reassess his relationships and maturity. Perhaps he's not as sure as he thought he was. Multiple pairings implied.
1. Content

**Author Fangirling: **Long time no see, Readers! I'll be honest, all it really took to get me inspired to write this was an insightful review on "Concomitant", which I wrote, what, four years ago? Let this be a lesson, always review on stories you liked even if they seem ancient! Nevertheless, it was still one of my favorite stories, and you could consider this a sequel of sorts if you want (some parts do hark back to it). Like Concomitant, I wrote this as something I could realistically see fitting in alongside canon, only I gave myself more of a challenge this time by adding a crack pairing of sorts to it. It all takes place during the three months while Miaka is back home towards the beginning of the series, all Nuriko POV. It will be able six installments. I hope you all enjoy it, because I certainly enjoyed writing fanfiction again!

* * *

><p>It's funny when your mind suddenly dwells back on things you only did a few weeks ago.<p>

I don't know why it came back to mind. It was just a little caterpillar I found while we were on our way back from Mount Taikyoku. After Miaka when back home, we stayed there a little while so that His Majesty and Tamahome could recover, and then we made a fairly slow trip back. While they were taking a break, I wandered around a bit and found the fuzzy little thing. It was standing on the edge of a branch on a bush trying to reach a leaf above it, but it kept falling short every time it stretched.

If I really wanted to help, I could have just picked it up and put in on the leaf, but I didn't really want to _touch_ it. Caterpillars are gross—I only tolerate them because they turn into butterflies later. I figured I'd just push the other branch down so the leaf would be closer. It wasted no time latching on to start its lunch, and I thought that was that, and I let go. That's when the branch sprung back to where it was before and the caterpillar was sent flying off. I never did see where it ended up, but I didn't go looking for it either. Instead I sighed and leaned on a tree next to me—only to knock it over. Nothing a little stuffing it back down into the ground couldn't fix, though I left the roots bending back into the air instead of into the ground. It's not like I was going to get my dress dirty by trying to fix it any more than that. It wasn't a big deal, but it left me feeling very unsatisfied.

I thought about mentioning this to Houki to get it off my mind, but I could imagine what she'd say: "Maybe it's symbolic for how your mission as a celestial warrior is unfulfilled."

I love the girl, but sometimes she assumes too much. I know Miaka's going to come back and we're going to summon Suzaku then, and yes, it's a little irritating that she left us on hiatus, but I never had to anticipate too much about the whole warrior business and I don't think I'll start now. I live in the moment, and at the moment, I am content. _Quite _content_. _

"So you might have figured it out already, but Miaka and Tamahome?" I smiled to Houki, my best friend in the imperial harem (it's just a plus that she happens to look a lot like me). We had been catching up on a lot of gossip since I returned. That did lead to finally revealing my gender to her clearly, but that's no big deal between friends.

She smiled, "I can guess."

"Totally into each other! Thing is, Tama-baby won't admit it."

"But the priestess will? Does he know?"

"Oh yeah, he knows. And he even had the gall to try to turn her down, when he knows he likes her too! It's only thanks to me that they even said much else to each other before she left." That, and there was the added bonus of keeping Miaka busy with Tamahome so that she'd keep her paws off of Hoto—I mean, His Majesty. I didn't want to tell this to Houki, though. I didn't want her to worry, and she could just leave the jealousy thing to me anyway.

"I'm sure you helped," she replied in her usual 'yes, dear' tone. "The priestess sounds sweet. Since it sounds like she's already come around the harem quarters before, how about you introduce her to me when she returns?"

"Hmm… well…"

"Oh, but she'd be busy, wouldn't she? You were so tied up with all the celestial warrior business once she arrived, after all."

"Busy out of my mind! And His Majesty still likes to invite us to meetings with him even though there's nothing for me or Tama to do. There's not even a good chance to flirt! Oh, Houki!" I buried my face in her lap to whine. "I'm ignored even when I'm right in front of him! It's so vexing!"

"There, there… how about some wine to cool your nerves?"

"You can't be serious," I shot a glance back up at her, and she was already wearing a teasing smile that said 'I know' right back. You wouldn't be able to tell at first, but this one has got some sass to her. Maybe that's because of my influence—have I corrupted her? All the better to make her just like me, I suppose. That way when she bares the emperor's children, it'll practically be like I get to be the one at his side.

And yes, I've already decided this. I know my limits, and providing some certain feminine services is outside of them. As hard as it is to stand the thought of any other woman at his side, I suppose I can stand one there who would do almost as good a job as I would. Besides, any man would be lucky to have the devotion of a woman like her, and there is no other man perfect enough for her. That doesn't mean I can't still hope he'd like some pleasure-company on the side, though.

"Oh, that's right! I get to move into a bedroom closer to him!" I perked back up. "Everybody seems to have this idea that Suzaku Warriors want to be around each other all the time, so it works out just fine for me!"

"Then you won't be living in the harem quarters anymore?"

"Well, I can hardly be considered an official member of the harem anymore. It's really only thanks to this mark of Suzaku that I'm allowed to be here still."

"But, who all knows?"

"Well, His Majesty happened to mention that to a _few_ officials…" I had recalled the conversation starting with something like "please have Nuriko stay in one of the larger guest chambers", "oh, Your Majesty, could that mean…?", "it means he is an honored warrior of Suzaku, one of my brethren", "brethren? But she is…", "a man, apparently. You need not mind his hobby", "a man? How could we have allowed a _man_ into the imperial harem? Perhaps all along, His Majesty really is—", "you certainly cannot blame a few men here and there for appreciating me", and then a few off-color comments from Tamahome which merited him getting slammed into a wall when no one was looking.

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><p>That being said, though, Tamahome and I actually get along very well. Being the little country bumpkin that he is, I think he feels a little awkward cooked up here in the palace, and he's probably more comfortable with me because of what we've already through together as Suzaku warriors. That, and some experiments with bondage and stealing first kisses have a way of bringing people together. I don't think he even minds that I tease him a bit still.<p>

"I wonder what Miaka's up to right now," he blankly stared out at the sunset with a glazed look on his face from his usual spot on the veranda. Now, any refined person wouldn't be sitting on the banister, but this is his habit. It makes him a little too easy to push over when saying hello, I've found out.

"Hmm… I'm more curious who she's _with_."

"What in the world do you mean by that, Nuriko?"

"I think you know what I mean," I sing-songed beside him, waving my sleeves in the air over my hands. "I wonder when she'll get back."

"I'm more curious what other things she'll bring back with her from her world."

"Are you drooling, Tama?"

"If I just had five more pieces of that _gum_…"

"You're a real jerk sometimes, you know that?"

"I feel so useless here," he hung his head. "I should be working right now. Why isn't she back yet? How long are we going to have to wait around?"

Another voice joined us out there, saying "I agree." Oh, and it was a voice I always fluttered at the sound of! I could feel my whole face lighting up into a smile as I turned to face him—and oh, facing him was enough to make me weak in the knees! The low sun highlighting his features just so, the way just a few delicate strands of hair were caught in the breeze! He is always so much more stunning up close!

"Your Majesty…"

"After waiting ten years to meet her, it is even more difficult to wait for just a short time. I'm sorry for how bored the two of you must be."

"Members of the harem are well-practiced at waiting, Your Highness."

"That is good to know. And Tamahome, how are you fairing? Are your accommodations suitable?"

Come on, Your Highness, take a hint! You can keep yourself occupied with other things while we wait! At least I'm allowed to be in his company more now. I know I don't have much of a chance, but being in his company still makes me feel special. Watching over him as he does his work, or be exchanging something as simple as conversation is like fulfilling a dream. I had always had a sense of connection to him. Maybe it was just something from Suzaku driving us together, but that desire to be close to him is what drove me to infiltrate the harem to begin with. And no, I'm not sorry that I don't have to share this with any of the other girls! Oh, but Tamahome is here too. I really don't mind that, since he doesn't seem to care much. That's not true, I guess—things are tense between them because they both have their eyes on Miaka. So much so that they were willing to give up their lives for her—I watched as they tried to!

"Nuriko, are you alright? You seem irritated?"

"Oh, do I?" I squeaked back and noticed that I had gripped the banister so tightly that the wood splintered apart. "Of course, I'd just like to stay useful as well."

"In that case, while there is nothing more we can do to summon Suzaku at the moment, you are both welcome to attend my regular meetings with the officials."

"Really?"

"Do we have to?"

"I wouldn't force you to," he sounded irritated with Tamahome's tone, "but I feel your varied experience may be useful to us and to the rest of the country."

"I guess I could show up, then."

"It would be an honor."

* * *

><p>"It's an honor to spend time with him, but political meetings are going to be so boring, Houki," I whined to her while packing my things. "What would I really know about anything more than harem drama?"<p>

"You're a warrior of Suzaku, Kourin, it's only natural that you would be an important person to have at those meetings. You're a central figure to the good of the country."

"I'm a central figure in the summoning of Suzaku, that's all. All I have to do is be present for a ceremony and make sure nothing happens to the priestess beforehand. Not that there's much that could happen to her while she's here. "

"But you did rescue her from that fallen pavilion."

"Tamahome did most of the work; I wasn't in a big hurry. I guess when she comes back, my biggest job will be to make sure she doesn't choke when she scarfs down her food!"

"I'm sure you'll do much more than that," she had a tense smile. "You better hurry to your new quarters, I suppose."

"There's no hurry at all," I replied. "Why, are you trying to get rid of me?"

She frowned deeply and shook her head. Holding back tears, obviously. What was she trying to do, make me feel guilty?

"Oh, I get it. Jealous because I'll get to be closer to His Majesty."

"That's not true!" she retorted. "To be perfectly honest, I was always rooting for you."

"Oh? And not for yourself? Why would that be?" I took her hands in mine as I asked, but she was looking away, chewing on an answer she thought she had best not let out. "Let me guess—you didn't want me to react violently if I wasn't chosen to be his lover?"

"That's part of it."

"I think I get the rest of it," I put my forehead against hers. After all, my wish for her happiness was probably the same as her wish for mine. "Listen, I know I'll be tied up a bit more with this official business or whatever, but you can come visit me in my new room. It'll be so much bigger! I'll have the servants bring us some really nice tea to try tomorrow."

"But I'm not allowed to leave the harem quarters!"

"Consider me your escort! I have a lot more sway with the officials now, remember?"

"Well," she had a sheepish smile, "who am I to say no to a Suzaku Warrior?"

Somehow I both loved and hated the sound of that. I didn't let that bother me, because I had a lot of fun to look forward to before Miaka returned. If I can't have my way with His Majesty, mark my words—Houki will.


	2. Flustered

"Come on, Houki, this way!"

She had the same amazed look on her face as when she first came to the harem. The imperial residence was certainly a lot roomier than the harem quarters, despite how comfy those already were. The guards who stood at either side of the stone courtyard all looked just as dazed as she looked bewildered, and each and every one of them was staring not at my just as attractive face—but at _hers_. "Houki," I growled a bit and tugged her along, "come on. Too much sun isn't good for you."

"I'm sorry. It's just so vast, I…"

"That's no way for a dignified member of the imperial harem to react to her future home, now is it? Act like you're at home! Be confident!" After all, there was a much greater likelihood that His Highness might catch a glimpse of her now! If only he were more aware of his surroundings, that is, but his self-awareness tends to blur the rest of his focus.

It was nice having her around and hearing her call me by something other than "Nuriko" or "Master Nuriko". If they were going to do that, couldn't they at least call me "Miss Nuriko"? So I happen to have been put in a male body, but everything else is female. I'm far more feminine than many of the other harem members could ever even hope to be, breasts or no breasts! Houki should consider herself lucky to have me for a role model.

"And? Did you attend a meeting this morning?"

"Meeting? Oh yes, that."

"What did His Majesty discuss with his officials?" she asked as I was brushing and arranging her hair.

"Oh… something about a budget? No, if that were the case Tamahome would have seemed more interested."

"You… you weren't actually there to listen, were you?"

"You could say I was just there to give them something nice to look at, should their eyes have needed a break from His Majesty's face. Hmm," I held her hair as it sagged next to her cheeks. "How did Miaka hold those up? Maybe it's because her hair is fluffier…"

"Did they even say anything about war with Kutou?"

"Well," I thought back. It's not as if I hadn't listened to any bit of it. "We just don't have any intelligence about Kutou to work with. Something has to be going on, though."

"It's likely they've thought to get intelligence about us first," she put a finger to her lips as she mused.

"Oh, are you a strategist?" I dropped her hair and play-tugged at her shoulders. "Don't tell me you were stringing me along that whole time we were in the harem together!"

"Stringing you along?" she acted appalled. "If I recall, it was you who used the same yakouju to string poor innocent girls along twice!"

"Innocent? _You, _my dear?" I jokingly gave her a jostle, but it was strong enough to toss her off the chair. With not an extra moment to react, I dived to shield her against the floor—barely. "Sorry—are you alright?"

Tangled in our hair, she peered over her shoulder through it and back at me with surprised eyes, and then a smile. "It's funny how routine these episodes are."

I didn't waste another second gently lifting her off of my chest so I could stand back and put my clothes back into array and tidy back up my hair. These episodes weren't necessarily routine with anyone else, I just happened to be more open with her and would let my strength run away with myself sometimes.

'_Myself?'_

Houki would have said that "Kourin" is not myself, but myself disappeared with her, perhaps. I'm fairly certain that who I am now is who I am now and not anyone else, but maybe Houki does bring out something in me from back then. I suppose I see her as a bit of a replacement after all, but it's been so long that I can't remember. Maybe I see her as another little sister.

* * *

><p>Oh, but if it's another little sister I want, Miaka will be coming back soon enough. She can chit-chat your ear off if you give her chance, and she'll invite herself to be so close that she'll shake the clothes right off of you.<p>

"Did she ever do that to you, Tama-kins?"

"She's just a 15-year-old girl, not a sex fiend!" he barked back.

"Oh? Then you're the sex fiend in the relationship?"

"You're the sex fiend around here if there is one!"

"Come on, tell big sissie all about it," I teased him. "You're attracted to her, aren't you? Whether or not you even like her can be an entirely different question."

"Big sister, my a—"

"Are you saying you'd prefer me as a lover again?"

"No! I mean… you're right. I mean… there were one or two times."

"Ohhh?" I scooted in closer, ready for juicy gossip and passionate confessions of love. "Such as?"

"Well, you know."

"…?"

"I got hard for her, I mean!"

"Uughh, that's gross, Tamahome!" I recoiled. "I didn't want to know _that!_"

"That's what you asked! And don't act so grossed out, it's not as if you don't have one yourself!"

"But that's still really gross! Really, lady-like ears such as my own do not need to be exposed to such things!"

"Whatever it is you're attracted to, you're still a _man_!"

My face felt hot and on the verge of tears. He didn't need to remind me of that! I was about to yell back at him (or punch him, I'm not sure which would have happened first), when a servant came and informed us that they were starting another meeting. Tamahome headed in first without a word, and I picked up my skirts and trotted up behind him. "Hey, don't leave Big Sissie behind!"

He pursed his lips and clenched his eyes shut. "_That's _what's gross here, Nuriko."

I didn't follow immediately behind him.

This meeting was even more insufferable than the first. Sad to say, I wasn't even in the mood to look directly at His Majesty, and every time he spoke, I felt a twinge in my stomach. Am I gross to him too? I know I'm just playing with myself, winding myself up about him. This whole being brethren warriors together is such a tease. I get to be closer, but it feels like I'm getting further and further away. But I can observe him none the less, and he seems lonely. He's calm on the outside, but the way he tenses when he hears bad news shows how fearful he is on behalf of his people. Nevertheless, he maintains his dignity so that people can put their confidence in him.

Now _that _is a special man.

"And the border guards still haven't noticed any activity?" he said gravely.

"No, any preemptive action they are taking is taking place beyond where we can see it."

"I understand," he closed his eyes in thought.

Ah! But Houki already thought of this! "Of course it's all away from where we can see it!"

Every person in the room turned to me with wide eyes. Disbelief that I had finally said anything, I suppose. Well, while I had their attention: "What we _should_ do, if you don't mind my suggesting, is send spies."

The room immediately exploded into debate about resources, candidates, feasibility and risks, but for what I could understand it sounded more productive than they had been a few minutes beforehand. Nice thinking, Houki!

* * *

><p>I'm so fortunate that His Majesty even made it a point to bring up to me later. In <em>private.<em>

"I'm astounded no one came up with that before," he admitted as he lounged and delicately put a kumquat in his mouth.

Though I'm not sure how it started, I was fanning him. "Maybe you all just needed a woman's sensibility the entire time."

"Haha! Quite the observation, Nuriko."

"I'm completely serious, Your Highness."

He seemed unsure how to respond to that politely, but continued smiling just as dashingly. "How so?"

"It wasn't even my idea in the first place. I can only be credited for delivering it."

"Then whose idea was it?"

That's right, show some interest! "A good friend of mine in the harem and I were discussing it, and she brought it up."

"That's good to know," he smiled more genuinely. Yes, Your Majesty, _very _good to know the merits of someone who has been waiting for you! Ask more about her! And he continued, "I'm glad they are able to form friendships there."

"Friendships…? Why would you be pleased about that? Could it be that you think they're lonely?"

"It keeps them out of trouble, I suppose."

Out of trouble? If there was any trouble, it was my business! "But Your Majesty, I'm a," I paused and felt it around on my tongue, "…a _man._ Are you comfortable knowing about close friendships they might have with me?"

"And would you do anything? Haha."

Well, _would _I? There was a time when I was afraid if I was drunk enough that I would! But this could mean two very good things: first, that he trusts me, and second, that he doesn't see me as a man. But it could also mean he thinks I'd be no good in the bedroom with anyone.

"Nuriko, are you alright? You're sulking… are you ill?"

"Oh, just a little tired is all," I flashed him a pretty smile.

"By all means, sit down," he motioned to the bed next to him. Could that have been a signal? My heart leaped so much that I tossed the fan behind me as I plopped down onto the bed next to him, causing the entire board it was fixed on to bounce him into the air and then crash back down onto it, leaving him much less composed than he had been a moment before, and surrounded by kumquats.

"Oh dear, Your Majesty! Are you alright?"

His expression obviously said that he was shaken, but he quickly put back on a suave look and pulled the hair out of his face. "Quite alright, thank you. I'm relieved you must still be feeling decently well."

Except that at that moment I would have liked to bury my face in my hands and cry in embarrassment.

"Oh my," I heard him say as his eyes trailed up to the ceiling. I looked over my shoulder and noticed the fan stuck in the ceiling, and a couple splinters still falling from it. Forget hiding, I just wanted to run away completely.

His Majesty still tried to think of something to say. "That's quite some power you have. We're quite fortunate to have you as one of the Suzaku warriors."

Empty flattery, all of it! He's afraid of me, isn't he? That's even worse than being indifferent! "I can't really do anything," I squeaked, my eyes racing and searching the floor for better words. "I can't even help a little caterpillar."

"A… caterpillar?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" I stood up at once with a giggle as my eyes rolled up to the ceiling searching for better words up there. "Hahaha! Well… that seems to be quite a lot of excitement for one night! I…"

Shoot. I felt it. I was starting to cry, wasn't I? How could someone with as much poise as me be so flustered? Because I'm in front of the one I love, isn't that it? I'm just like a little girl in love! Too embarrassed to stay any longer, I hid my forming tears in my sleeves and ran towards the door. "I should go for now!"

"Wait, Nuriko—"

I couldn't stand to see whatever expression of horror or pity or whatever he might have had. I tore open the door to head back down to the hall to safety of my own room, but immediately outside the door I found a pile of officials crouched against the wall. We exchanged a brief moment of gawking, which gave them a chance to observe how red my face was.

"I knew it!" one of them let out a cry of sorrow.

"At this rate there will never be an heir!"

Oh? So they did think I was his lover? Too bad for them to be so mistaken. I pursed my lips in anger stomped down the hall, the floorboards shaking with every step. Back at my room, I sniffled, and eventually wailed into my pillow.

His Majesty is afraid of me and Tamahome thinks I'm gross. I'm really tired of this whole Suzaku Warrior thing now.


	3. Bothered

Would things be easier if I were a man? After all, I'm not really accepted as a woman anymore. But I don't really want to be a man. I can't help that I am very attracted to one, but in general, woman are just nicer. With the exception of His Majesty, women are generally prettier and more poised than men. Not to mention they smell better. There is an art form to the ways of women which are simply out of the grasp of men—though I admit I make a better woman than a lot of women do themselves! They don't have to prove themselves quite like men, and they're expected to provide tenderness. Not necessarily protection or anything like that.

It's not as if I don't know how to be a man. I just don't feel like it, that's all.

Besides, if I were more like a man, they might have a problem with Houki visiting me over here. And I wouldn't want that! I'm glad she still sees me as a woman. I hope that doesn't change. I suppose we're just fine being something like sisters so I can look after her like that.

Oh, and then there's Miaka to think about. We didn't have much of a chance to interact before she left and after she found out about me. How will she think of me when she returns? I think I'm still a little ticked off about her mirror clone spoiling my secret I had been keeping so well, but Miaka sure took care of her, didn't she? That was pretty remarkable, though! I wouldn't have thought a little girl like her had it in her to try to kill herself to save her friends!

When we were losing her, I remember feeling like I wasn't really there. My mind was clear, but it's like I believed it wasn't really happening. She couldn't really have been dying. She couldn't really have still been bleeding. I knew it because I saw it happening, but I think I was only calm because I felt so removed from it. It wasn't until I had a quiet moment after she left that I found myself shaking and thinking, "what if?"

It's those moments that sap me of my strength. Even thinking back to it right now makes me feel like I can't even get out of bed, and yet my mind keeps telling that it never really happened. Miaka never really happened. Even meeting His Majesty face to face never really happened. But here I am, in the imperial residence. It happened.

Well, I'm good at forgetting things I don't feel like thinking about. Yesterday never really happened either as far as I'm concerned.

See? Tamahome was still in a daze as usual. Wondering about Miaka, no doubt. Today I caught him gnawing on a plate, so he must be getting worse.

His Majesty seemed just as graceful as ever. Last night? Apparently it didn't exist to him either.

Oh, but there was one good thing Houki had to hear about. I had told her to meet me for lunch, and I strummed my fingers eagerly on my table waiting for her, thinking the better of it after I noticed the dents in the wood. Better to go and find her and scold her for being so late. She couldn't have gotten lost, could she? Or was she sick? I had to go to the harem quarters right away to find out.

It started as just a worried stroll, but my feet started moving faster and faster. Soon I was sprinting all the way there, flowing robes and everything. Something was telling me I wanted to get there right away. She was probably fine, but—

And then I saw it. She was standing there with a flustered look on her face, surrounded by two guards standing so close that they must have been breathing down her neck.

Before I knew it, I had grabbed them both by the backs of their collars and threw them over the veranda, yelling at them to stay away from her and to know better than to attack a harem woman. "Kourin, please!" she tugged at my arm with a chastising tone. "They were only telling me which way to go."

"Did you not understand that?" I snapped back. "They were staring you down like wolves. Like pigs! You can't let men be so close to you!"

"I can't help that I was _lost_," she replied firmly. "I haven't been through here by myself."

"Then let's help that," I took her hand behind me and started tugging her along. "You need a more thorough tour. If they know that you're someone important to me, no one will give you any trouble for wandering around here sometimes. But if you let yourself get involved with any more men—"

"Who is to say that I was _involved_, Kourin?" she took her hand back forcefully. "Don't be so quick to assume things."

Hasn't that always been _my _line, I wondered. "You just don't understand how men think."

"And I suppose you do?"

Well, I suppose I _should._ I was just having some trouble figuring out exactly what_ I_ was thinking. My face was getting terribly hot and I didn't want to know why. It's because I care about her like a sister and I was angry, I told myself. And told myself again. She was important to me, but the sister thing was making my stomach turn. "Our lunch must be getting cold. Come on, I ordered your favorites."

Apart from me pointing out which walkways she needed to remember, we were rather quiet on the way back to my room. But once we arrived and she graciously thanked me for the food, and I teased her about being so excited for her favorites dishes, we lightened up a bit. It was helping settle my nerves a bit, too. I didn't dare tell her everything that was on my mind, as usual, but I knew she would at least find my late night escapades with His Majesty amusing. She did like hearing about him, after all.

"Oh, how I would have loved to have seen his face," she laughed and covered her smile with her sleeve as she did so.

"You would love to see his face at any moment, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, I would be terribly jealous of you, Kourin, if not for how poorly your pursuit of him is working out!"

We laughed more together. "Oh, that's right—I brought up your idea at the meeting!"

"Idea?" she paused.

"For keeping an eye on Kutou. They're looking into it right now. It was so exciting, I wish you could have been there! They took it so seriously!"

"I _meant_ it seriously," she looked flattered. "After all, I'm worried about my family out there, so I wish we'd have more information."

"Don't worry. Miaka will come back and we'll summon Suzaku and then there won't even be a war to worry about."

"I'm comforted to hear you say so."

"Anyway, I have more good news for you. I made sure not to take the credit for your idea."

Her face flushed pink. "You told them about me?"

"I told His Majesty about you in private. Well, he didn't give me a chance to leave your name, but…"

"Oh my," she said as turned a deeper pink.

"You have to stop being so passive! Let's arrange a day for you to walk up and introduce yourself to him!"

"Kourin!"

"It worked for me, did it not?"

"I'm not so brazen as to march up to him directly! Even being outside of the harem quarters has me on edge."

"Tsk tsk tsk, you can't let rules hold you back. It'll be fine, just leave it to me! Let's see, I'll pick out the best dress for you to wear, and—"

"I'm not going to force this," said Houki firmly. "Becoming the empress is not a contest. My duty is only to there for him if he so chooses."

"But you've been waiting so long already—don't you want a chance to love again?"

"My romantic life is none of your concern."

_You don't seem concerned about it enough!_ I mentally retorted. "All I want is for you to be happy, that's all. And for His Majesty's happiness, of course. I think meeting you would be one of the best things to ever happen to him." If he weren't so preoccupied with having met Miaka, that is.

"And what about you, Kourin?" she stared back at me. Her hand moved on top of mine—a move I wasn't used to, because _I_ was always the one taking _her_ hands, hugging her shoulders, putting my head against hers. She leaned in and continued. "Who is going to make you happy?"

_Stop! _ I found myself thinking. _Don't be so close!_

"I care about you too, Kourin."

_Stop! You don't care about me like that!_

Shocked at my own words running through my head, I shuttered a bit. Did I mean that I wanted her to care about me like that? His Majesty is the one she should care about. That's what I want.

"Kourin?"

At the sound of my name I looked back at her as she peered up into my face, one that almost mirrored her own. Still, mine can't even compare to her natural grace, her sincerity. I loved that about her, and I almost didn't want to share it.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't want to share it at all, not even with the emperor.

I pulled out of her touch and turned my face away from her so she couldn't see how hard I was trying to hide my thoughts. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Kourin, you're shaking. Are you alright?" she put a hand out to touch my arm, but I flinched away, which caused her to recoil in surprise.

"Maybe I'm coming down with something," I lied.

"Lie down, then. I'll take care of you," she changed her tone and immediately started pouring water onto a cloth to dab against a sick person's forehead.

"No, don't," I responded. "I wouldn't want you to catch anything. Do you think you can find your way back from here?"

"From here, probably," she replied. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I probably just need to sleep."

"Do you need—"

"Just go, Houki."

This can't be happening. I'm _gay_. I need to hurry up and set the two people I care about most up with each other so that I can stop feeling so bothered by everything.


	4. Anxious

As far as I'm concerned, last week didn't exist either. I was acting strangely, which lead to having to put up an act about feeling ill. As I should have expected, Houki made sure to inform a servant that I wasn't feeling well, which lead to His Majesty finding out and making sure I had excellent care. I'll admit, being doted on brought me out of that slump pretty well.

Now that I consider myself back to my usual self, it's time to attack the situation again. And by that, I mean the emperor being single for far too long situation. As long as I still get to provide company and watch over him, I'm perfectly content. This will teach Miaka to be gone for so long—she'll completely lose her chance with him before she gets back! Hahaha! I can't wait to see the look on her face the day she comes back and finds out he's married!

Well, it shouldn't bother her. She'll still have Tamahome, though he'll probably be a brat again when she gets back and pretend that he's not happy. It'll be funny to see if he tries to hide it!

"What are you up to, Tama-kins?" I chirped behind him as he crouched over the dirt with a stick in hand. There was a sloppy outline of a circle with two circles at the top sides of it. That was a hairstyle I knew well no matter how poorly portrayed.

"Nothing! Just… making business plans!"

"Business plans… _right_."

"No, really, see! It's a… it's a map. I'm just planning on where I'll be headed next to go make some money."

"A map? That sure doesn't look like any city I've been to."

"No, those are… lakes. They're lakes! Right! If you head northeast of the capital, towards where I'm from, there are some lakes like this. Er... ponds, I guess..."

I decided to humor him and not make him lie more about nonexistent lakes. "So you're from the northeast?"

"Yeah, it's a pretty small village near the border."

"How are things up there?"

"Pretty quiet, last I checked. Seeing as we've been waiting around here for a while, it's been a while since I've been back."

"When did you leave?"

"Just a day or so before I met Miaka. It was like I finally knew it was time to head to the capital for work, and what do you know? It earned me an extended stay here in the palace!"

"A drive to do things out of the ordinary, huh? Now that you mention it, the day I met her was the first time I approached His Majesty."

"He'll rue the day, I bet."

"You want to repeat that?" I lifted a rock above his head.

"It was a good day, huh?" he corrected himself. "Say, how do _you _feel about Miaka?"

"Me?" I blinked. "Well, not like _that_, as I'm sure you'd know."

"Yeah, I already know _that_," he rolled his eyes. "When I first met her, it was kind of like she was just another little sister to watch out for. Like I knew right away I was supposed to protect her."

"Oh, that's it? Well," I pretended to act disinterested. "Just make sure you keep a good eye on her. Keep her out of trouble and you'll probably stay out of more trouble yourself."

"Funny how you make it sound like it's all _my _job. You're a Suzaku warrior too, you know."

"I'm just keeping an eye out for you, that's all," I shrugged, but he started laughing. "What?"

"You've actually got a pretty protective side too, don't you?"

"I do not," I argued before even considering what he said. "That's a man's job; we both know I'm not cut out for that kind of work!"

He looked immediately exasperated. "Nevermind, my mistake."

* * *

><p>The following couple weeks, as usual, were fairly idle. Tamahome and I had both stopped going to many meetings; it was apparent to everyone that we weren't very useful after all, but I still was allowed to be around Hotohori—I mean, His Majesty!—for chatting. At first I thought it was an honor, and then when I was afraid he felt threatened by me, I took solace in him assuming I was sick so that it would make a good excuse not to see him face to face. He did, however, make personal inquires about my health. At first I whined and dismissed his inquiries because I was only important to him for summoning Suzaku, but as he became more persistent, I finally allowed him to come in and visit me.<p>

"You look like you're feeling much better," he said. "I'm relieved."

"Well, I suppose," I had my arms folded and my nose indignantly in the air as I sat in bed.

"Will you be well enough to join me again soon?"

"…I beg your pardon?"

"Your emperor requests your presence," he had smiled to me as he left. I felt like I could float at that moment—after all the long months of longing to hear those words, he spoke them. He spoke them to _me_!

It didn't take me very long to figure out that he enjoyed my presence simply because I enjoyed his. He wanted someone around to appreciate him so he wouldn't have to do it by himself in the mirror. Well, no matter—I was happy to shower him with compliments and he was just as happy to hear them. There's nothing very romantic about this at all, as I had originally imagined, but I like it. His Majesty is genuinely a very enjoyable person to pass the time with.

My visits with Houki have also become more infrequent. Actually, we hadn't had a lunch date since my feigned illness. It broke our pattern. We had visited briefly, of course, and I had insisted that she was welcome at any time, but without much of a reason or a habit of visiting, it was awkward to go so far out of our way to spend time together.

I'd be lying if I said that was the _only_ reason I felt awkward.

Even if I wouldn't admit it to any other soul, living or dead, I might as well admit it to myself. But I didn't even want to do that, for fear of what it would do to our friendship. It was easier just to not see each other as often so as to prevent anything from changing. I could keep my mind fairly busy daydreaming about how happy she and His Majesty would be together, and how beautiful their children would be, and how they'd name their first daughter after me. But would they name her Kourin, or Nuriko? Oh, and I suppose they could name the youngest daughter after Miaka. No need for her to be entirely left out.

* * *

><p>That's how things were. I might spent the day following Tamahome around, and the evening with His Majesty after his work was done, and then I wrote up cute little stories about things the two of them would do to send to Houki every so often. Things didn't become stirred up until I was out on a walk with Tamahome one day.<p>

"Hello-o-o-o, Tama-baby, are you in there?" I called and waved my sleeve in front of his face. Spacing out again as usual, poor love-sick fool.

"Yes, I'm in here!" he barked back.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Money."

"It figures."

"It's already been almost two months," he hung his head. "I don't know how much more I can stand of this."

"Really? I'm enjoying it."

"Don't you miss Miaka at all?"

"Of course I do. She's a lovable little twerp."

"Twerp?"

"Haha, of course she still has lots of growing up to—"

I stopped when I noticed a dark figure approaching, quietly trying to hide in the tree tops. I didn't like how suspicious it was and stepped between Tamahome and the intruder, stretching my hand back in front of him to hold him back. "What do _you_ want?"

The figure dropped out of the tree and approached slowly. "You're the Suzaku warriors, aren't you?"

"And?" I crouched slightly, ready to spring into whatever action the situation might warrant.

"Please, help me get to the palace. I need to deliver a message," he strained his voice and took a heavy step forward, revealing an arrow sticking out of his leg. "I was one of the spies sent to Kutou."

Of course we helped him right away, but not before Tamahome gave me an amused glance after observing my posture. I folded my arms and turned away as if I did nothing and motioned for him to go carry the spy like a man should. (Just for the sake of speed, I wound up carrying him anyway while Tamahome sent for the officials and a doctor.)

"They're aware of our presence," the spy grunted through his teeth as the arrow was removed. "I barely got away to tell you that they're increasing action near the border. They have plans to send disguised troops across the border to try to hunt down the Priestess of Suzaku."

"Then they've already heard about her," His Majesty furrowed his brow in concern. "Do they know she isn't here now?"

"It doesn't seem so, Your Highness."

"How far have they gotten?" an official asked.

"Only as far as—ah!—just over the border. They might begin small attacks there to increase fear and suppress the villagers." Tamahome's eyes shot wide at that statement.

"If they're already aware of the spies, it's too dangerous to leave them there. Can we send anyone a message to have them return early?" His Majesty asked, and they began discussing amongst themselves what course of action they had best take next.

* * *

><p>Tamahome, it seems, had already decided what he was to do. After things had calmed down, he announced to me and His Majesty that he was leaving.<p>

"I've already been here too long. There's money to be made out there, after all. I'll come back when Miaka does, don't worry."

His Majesty frowned. "If that's what you insist on. Listen for any news about her return and stay safe until then."

I had a feeling money wasn't the only thing that was making him leave. The kid did care about more than just Miaka and money, perhaps. Well, if he was too shy to even admit liking Miaka, then he was probably was even more bashful about doing anything heroic.

* * *

><p>His Majesty was on edge when he left, worrying about his safety. It also had him thinking again about how much longer we'd have to wait for Miaka to return—or if she ever would, for that matter. "I pray that wherever she is, she is safe," he admitted to me in private.<p>

"It's very kind of you to worry," I tried to comfort him. "But I'm sure she's safe right now, wherever she is."

"It pains me as her warrior not to be at her side," he went on in a low voice. "I'm sure you can understand that."

"Well, I suppose," I lied. Of course I wanted Miaka to be safe, but I wasn't particularly worried about her at that moment. I had been trying to avoid wondering too much about her or I would start to feel just as anxious as everyone else. "The way I see it, she is a girl from another world. It's only while she's in this world that she needs our protection. She's probably fine there."

"Even when she comes back," said he, "she'll likely need to leave to find the other warriors. We can't realistically expect them all to congregate here like we were able to."

"That was our fortune, wasn't it?" I smiled. "And we don't need to think about those things until they actually happen."

"Perhaps you are right. I do wish I could go with her, though."

My heart dropped a little. I knew what he meant by that. He was a man in love, but being the emperor wouldn't allow him to pursue romance. Like any other man, he could still pine for someone. If he wanted it he could order it, but he didn't have the freedom to let something like that take a natural course.

* * *

><p>Maybe I count as "any other man" after all. That being said, I want to see Houki as much as I don't want to see her. I feel afraid of myself, and how I want to take away people for myself, keep anyone else from touching them. That wouldn't be good for anyone, though. I can't be a woman for the emperor, and I can't be a man for the harem maiden.<p>

I can't even be a useful celestial warrior what with my priestess being in an entirely different world and my power only being a distinct lack of gentleness. Besides, if Miaka were ever in immediate danger in front of me, I wouldn't even be the first one to her—Tamahome and His Majesty would move too fast for anyone to get in their way. But as long as I can be there to keep them all out of harm's way, as long as they all can be happy together, that's enough, right?

Whatever. It's not worth thinking about. I'm starting to sound like a man or something.


	5. Angry

To feel a little bit more like my usual feminine self, I invited Houki over for lunch. We could giggle in person together, and brush each others' hair and gossip. I felt nervous just sitting and waiting for her, but thankfully she arrived on her own just fine this time, and when she did we greeted each other like the friends we were—I didn't think of anything strange at all.

It was good hearing about the usual petty drama of the harem. I missed the influence I had there, and naturally wondered how the other girls were fairing. I told her that Tamahome left to go make money and admitted that the side of the palace I lived on now would be less lively without him.

"I wonder when you'll get to meet the rest of your Suzaku brethren," she smiled. "Judging by those of you who have already gathered, they could be quite the collection of people."

"Seeing how attractive a couple of us already are, it gives me high hopes," I gave her a wide smile. "Who knows, this might be my new chance at romance!"

"Or they could be a bunch of smelly men."

"If that were the case, I could just send you in my place and I could stay here and stay clean!"

"Oh, you wouldn't," she joked back.

"Well, if I ever have to go anywhere else with them, _someone _is going to have to take my place here and comfort His Majesty!"

"That again," she laughed.

"It's not a joke. I'm serious—let's arrange for you to meet him. Even if you don't want to rush him, I'm sure you still want to see more of this man that you've told yourself you're going to love!"

"I'm already prepared should he want me," she dismissed my suggestion.

"Isn't that strange at all to you? To love someone without really knowing them?"

"That is my role as a member of the imperial harem, Kourin. I am fine with it."

"But that's not love! It happens when you least expect it!"

"I'm glad you've been able to experience spontaneous love, but if it never blossoms for me, that is fine. I am still prepared to provide whatever care the emperor wishes."

"You make it sound like such hard work. I have duties as a Suzaku warrior, but I at least care a little bit about my priestess, which makes everything a lot easier for everyone. You wouldn't just become someone's wife out of responsibility, Houki—you, and His Majesty, and Miaka and me—we're not just responsible to each other, we're real people with real feelings."

"It's awfully strange to hear you talk about responsibility when you're the one feeling so responsible for someone that you have to take on her own identity!"

Now _that _made me mad. So mad that I couldn't speak for a moment and could only stare her down. Her face melted into shock-she knew she stepped over a dangerous line, and stepped back from me cautiously, watching my expression in horror.

The way her eyes glinted in fear, the way she quivered, the way her hands reached up around herself to try to cover herself from her own shame. I felt sick to know I caused her to act that way, but I was too angry with her for pretending that she knew me better than I knew myself. No matter how close you may think you are to someone, there are some places you invite yourself into. I should never have told her anything about Kourin in the first place if it led her to assume so much. She knows nothing about Kourin! And to be so brazen as to say that I'm feeling unnecessarily responsible for her?

Did it ever occur to her that I _am _responsible?

I clenched my teeth and my lips shook with anger, and I could even feel my hand rising in the air over her to slap her. She closed her eyes tightly and braced herself—don't act that way, Houki! Don't make me feel like I'm doing something terrible to you—it's your fault I'm like this! It's your fault for prying in where you don't belong!

I didn't want to act this way. This isn't what I wanted to do to Houki. This isn't what I wanted to happen to myself.

I threw my hand down at my side, then turned around and ran out the door. Ran out of the hall, ran out into the garden, at least as far into the trees so that I could hide myself. My vision was blurry and my head was hot with tears, and I could hear my annoying whining sound as I started to wail. Why did Houki think she could bring that up? Why did she have to go there? Kourin is a part of me. And now that she's gone, I'm gone too—so what! What should it matter who I was before? A boy who liked to beat people up if they bothered my brother and sister, a boy who liked to feel strong and admired as a caretaker, a boy who was always with his most precious treasure in the world?

A boy whose fault it is she's gone!

I sunk to my knees and cried so indecently that couldn't even care about dirt on my dress or blurred make-up or tossed hair. People had told me for years on end how the accident wasn't my fault, and how I shouldn't blame myself. But I was there, and even though I was always so sure I could protect her, I _didn't_. I couldn't even keep my own little Kourin safe, how could I expect to ever protect a priestess?

I probably only tried to help that caterpillar because I'm still just trying to make up for how much I failed. And I couldn't even do that. Even for my hands being so strong, how does everyone still slip through?

Who am I kidding? I still want to protect Miaka. I want her to be here so that I can protect her, just like His Majesty does! And I want to protect him and Tamahome from whatever will happen when she comes back. But I'm afraid to admit what I really want because I'm afraid I'll fail again. What will happen to them when I fail again? I know what will happen, because it already _has _happened to someone.

I couldn't forgive the stupid brother who let that happen to her, so I made him go away. That was the only way Kourin could still be here. And if _Nuriko_ should fail, he should just stay away too.

_This _is why you shouldn't bring things like this up, Houki! This is what it does to people! I don't like being this way. Responsible or not, all I know is that I'm not man enough to own up to my own shortcomings!

And after all this crying, I'm certainly not ladylike enough to go back inside looking like this.


	6. Love

**Author Fangirling: **Thank you all so much for reading and for all your reviews! This is the last chapter, sorry for it being so short-I hope the ending is as satisfying for you all as it is for me. It's been really fun writing 1stPOV Nuriko and seeing how far I might be able to stretch canon, and maybe I'll get more muse back. Happy reading!

* * *

><p>After I calmed down, I wondered if I could wait until dark to slip in unnoticed, or if they'd notice I was gone and send a search party for me. Or even worse, what if they would see Houki crying in my bedroom and start to wonder if I had done anything indecent to her? I couldn't just leave her in a situation like that no matter how mad I was at her. Oh, but to go back looking like this, they'd wonder if <em>I <em>were the one who was attacked. What to do, what to do indeed. This would be a really nice time for someone like Miaka to come running by and do something to break up a moment. But Miaka wasn't there, and I would have to recompose myself before she would be. I couldn't have her seeing a Suzaku warrior in shambles, now could I?

Well, as long as no one important saw me, it would be alright. I was at the bottom of the hill which led up to the harem quarters, and if I could just get one of my old servant's attention and have her bring things to tidy me back up, I could slip back to the imperial residence more easily. It was going to get dark soon anyway.

At the top of the hill I found Houki. It looked like she had been waiting for me, right in the spot where we used to have picnics together. My first impulse was to save my dignity and turn my flushed face away, but I was a wreck as it was, so it wasn't really worth trying to cover up once she had easy sight of me anyway. "How did you know I was here?"

"You were easy to hear."

"Oh. _Lovely,_" I sighed. "Would you mind helping fix me up a bit, then?"

"Of course."

It seemed like she was already prepared, and gave me a cloth to wipe my face with as she combed my hair. I was still sniffling a bit.

"It's nothing fancy, I hope you don't mind," she said as she draped a braid over my shoulder.

I fingered it a bit and shrugged as I let it fall back against me. "It stays tidy, I guess." I didn't want to turn to face her yet. I looked so unattractive and weak at that moment.

She was the one to be assertive again, sending me a physical message. My face flinched when I felt her forehead rest against my shoulder softly, and her breath warm against my back. "I'm sorry."

"You should be."

We were quiet a bit longer. It was nice, I'll admit—just the two of us in our spot. In the past, we hasn't even sat this close. Here we were with me supporting her weight, her body shielding my back from the chill of evening. Also unlike the past, not a word between us. I was well aware that it might have been one of our last moments together, so I peered over my shoulder at her. Her eyes were closed against me, and the scent of perfume lingered in her hair. The curves of her cheeks and lips-how could have I ever had my features compared to hers? Houki's grace is real, and I can only admire it.

She was beautiful. I wanted to hold her.

But that wouldn't do. That wouldn't do at all.

"Come on, now, sit up, Houki," I turned and pushed her up by her shoulders. "I'm sorry, too."

"For what?"

"If you don't know, then you don't need to know," I smiled, relieved that she didn't seem upset with me for scaring her before. What I really meant to apologize for was suddenly feeling like a man around her—something I might not have been able to do since I was a child, and the feeling made me nervous.

Just as much as it made me nervous it made me feel preemptively disappointed. I could try to keep Houki to myself, but I know that Houki wouldn't love me, even if she'd _try_ to love me in that way. I can't give her such an inkling. As much as I want affection, I'd rather see her happy, and I'm not to one who can complete her. Perhaps what I'm most afraid of is ruining the connection we already have. Even that, I feel, is slipping.

"Oh look, you can see the stars," she looked up. "Which ones are yours?"

"Oh, I don't know any of that. Miaka's the priestess, though, she should know. I'll ask her when she gets back. Well, never mind, she never seems to know much of anything."

Houki giggled. "Weren't you saying something before about finding a new romance on your adventures?"

"What are you suggesting?" I glared.

"Nothing at all," she lied through a smile. "Still, even though you've gotten to be so close with His Majesty lately, it feels to me as if you're really giving up on him."

"Well, not that I'd want to show that on the outside. It keeps others away from him, if you know what I mean."

"Does it make you sad?"

"…Yes. I really love him, you know."

"I know."

Houki doesn't even seem like she cares about him sometimes—like she worries more about me instead. It's only natural, I guess. She _knows _me, and has only gotten a glimpse and gossip of His Majesty. Of course she wasn't willing to push a meeting; I was only doing that for my own satisfaction. He wouldn't even pay any attention her at this point anyway—he's not ready for love while he's worried about Miaka. It would be my selfish way of caring.

All I want is to put everyone I love together. I want to salvage my connection with Houki, and I want to keep growing in this connection I've found with His Majesty. And with Tamahome, and Miaka, and... if I could put them, and Kourin and Rokou in this palace with me and just put a stop to this war, and just watch everyone, and see everyone smile, that would be enough for me. Even that is too selfish of me. If not to contain them, then what is my strength good for? How much will they have to face outside of these walls? How much hurt will come to them?

"You know, Houki, I—"

Her eyes caught mine. "Yes?"

"I'm really scared. You know, about this whole responsibility thing. Am I even mature enough for that yet?"

"Well," she smiled as comfortingly as she could, "you did _cry _today. That must be a step towards something."

"Something? Who knows what _that _would be," I let out a laugh, and then a sigh. "Maybe Miaka hasn't come back yet because we're not ready for her. Anyway, I guess I'm more or less ready to head back."

She put a cloak on me that she had prepared already, and we faced each other again before I left, her hands in mine, me swinging them a bit as usual. Usual, just as we should be. "You know, you're still welcome to wander around down by my room if you feel like it. You know who else has a room near there, too."

"How scandalous," she laughed.

"What? You, in a scandal? It's all about _me_ down there, you know that!"

"Of course, of course, the emperor's gay company!" We laughed together, and I had an impish whim to give her a kiss on the forehead before I left—but that was something I still didn't dare to do, and certainly wasn't going to ever let myself get drunk enough to have the chance to do.

The night air was refreshing on the way back, and by the time reached the sprawling courtyards of the main palace, I could see even more stars. "Miaka," I said aloud as I looked up at them, "Are you almost ready to come back yet or what? I feel like it's about time I get out of here."

Who was she with right now, anyway? I felt like I should know. She must have had people there who were important to her too, people she could stand being away from Tamahome for.

* * *

><p>Soon after, we received word from another spy.<p>

"The Priestess," His Majesty repeated, "of _Seiryuu?_"

"Yes. It seems she may have appeared to them and resides in the Kutou capital."

Immediately, the officials started discussing how unusual it was for another priestess to have appeared so soon, and to express their worry for where ours had gone off to. I felt intrigued more than anything—another girl from Miaka's world? What would she be like? Just as gluttonous and lovesick?

Of course! I _had _heard about another girl from Miaka's world! I could remember her telling me about her best friend. It was back right before she left, while giving Tamahome and His Majesty a chance to recover after they had given her their blood.

"You know, Nuriko, while I was dying, I could hear my best friend talking to me."

"What? From here? Was it just your imagination?"

"Who knows, maybe it might have been," she had laughed at herself. "I really, really want to go back and see her after all."

And she proceeded to gush about how sweet that girl was, and how smart, and how feminine. "Oooh, Miaka," I had teased. "Do you happen to swing that way too?"

"No!" she flushed bright red. "It's not like that! But… but sometimes when I'm around her, or when I think about her, I still get those flighty feelings… or something?"

"Or… something?"

"Not like that or anything, just that I think she's so amazing and I care about her so much. I admire her and… and… look at me, turning all red like this! I never wanted to tell her I had a girl-crush on her because I didn't want her to feel weird about it!"

"A girl crush…?"

"You know, it's like when… well… never mind. You're not a girl, you wouldn't get it."

Well, for her information—I think I finally do!

I laughed out loud to myself at how silly I was. So what if I cared about Houki and she made me feel nervous? It's only because of how wonderful I think she is. The same goes for His Highness! Maybe I'm not even gay after all!

"Master Nuriko? This is no laughing matter, this is a threat to our country that we are talking about…"

His Majesty and the officials were all staring at me. I had been laughing fairly loud, hadn't I? "Oh? Oho—perhaps I wasn't listening very closely, oh ho ho ho ho…"

What is real love, anyway? I don't know, and maybe I haven't known since I was child. That really doesn't bother me right now.

How strange to think that someone like Miaka could have taught me this. Maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to find that other person I've been missing for so long. Someone I haven't been in so long. Someone who can protect people he cares about and who knows love.

Are you listening, Miaka? We're ready for you now.


End file.
